Unpopular Dissent

I have quite recently come to the realisation that I’m uncomfortable participating in my Feminist Philosophy class. There are many reasons for this, and all of them are probably stupid. I do feel, however, that writing about my cognitive dissonance will help me understand what I’m feeling, and perhaps may help one or two of you out there who hope to question their own arbitrary privilege, as well.

First of all, I feel an inordinate amount of guilt simply for being present in the class; my appearance and presence in the class screams “Guilty!” The class isn’t “for” me, in much the same sense that it isn’t necessarily “against” me: I’m taking it in order to learn more about the nature of Feminist theory and contemporary women’s movements and discourse. I definitely consider myself “Pro-Feminist,” but to me that entails supporting women in their quest for emancipation from whatever they feel oppresses them. If I’m perceived of as deserving of being treated as a being with feelings, my mere presence may prevent certain topics of discussion from being explored more thoroughly, out of fear of insult, singling me out, etc. Granted, I am not the only male in the class, but I also know that I’m not alone in this feeling of guilt.

Second, I feel that by participating in group discussion with my experience limited to largely being a privileged White male who identifies as heterosexual, I am appropriating the conversation with the viewpoint of an alleged oppressor. By positing what it may be like to be women, I am both inaccurately and inappropriately assigning conditions to a group of people in complete and utter experiential ignorance. I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, therefore I should not attempt to explain what it might be like, because I can never know. I also want to be able to use examples in my own male experience that might illuminate ways in which men themselves may be victims of false consciousness, but at the same time, this would be a rather blatant appropriation of class discussion in favour of addressing the ways in which men are “victims” (read: not anywhere near as badly off as women).

Third, I feel disadvantaged having to write about women’s problems, having never experienced them myself. Sure enough, the writing assignments are designed not to appeal directly to personal experience, but both my interpretation and reading of each text will have a subjectively male quality about them. It is good for me to grapple with these issues, as coming to terms with them means furthering my own understanding of my own privilege, and my role in the emancipation of women as, for the post part, a supportive figure watching and waiting in the wings to be called forth to act.

Fourth and finally, this analysis itself may even reek of privilege. Am I simply paranoid because I’m giving myself too much credit as a male student in a class on Feminist theory? I can’t know for sure whether or not the rest of the class really gives a flying fuck about my presence, nor if they feel personally insulted when I attempt to make sense of Feminist theory for myself. Am I to stand by as a passive supporter of the cause, or am I to actively participate in my understanding of the emancipation of women, at the risk of alienating my fellow students? This paradox perplexes me perhaps the most, as it is almost impossible for me to even consider ways in which I may not have privilege.

It may be a good thing that I am feeling this discomfort. Maybe this is what growing feels like. Perhaps, for the first time in my adult life, and at the risk of displaying privilege, what I’m feeling is a taste of what marginalised people feel constantly. In this class, for the first time, I am the Other; I am the one who is constantly making sure what I say isn’t insulting or overstepping my bounds: what we discussed today as the concept of wariness. My participation in class is a step in the direction of displaying that men, too, can challenge gender norms and become conscious of their own privilege, and question it accordingly by changing their lifestyles and values. I must always keep in the back of my mind, however, that ultimately it is my job not to assume for myself complete understanding of what it is to be woman.